Parents of Special Needs Kids, It's Not My Story to Tell

Michele — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 16:51:38 +0000

I was catching up on NBC’s Parenthood during my morning run (on treadmill) and I was brought to tears during a scene with the mother of special needs kids that hit way too close to home. Being the parent of special needs kids is different. I don’t like to use the word hard because raising kids is hard. But during the scene, the mother of a special needs child with Asperger’s is afraid to send him to regular school even though he is ready (according to the teachers at his current school.) She doesn’t want to go through the whole process of explaining to parents why her son doesn’t play sports or why he doesn’t go to sleep overs or why he wears the same shirt for weeks. She doesn’t want him bullied or picked on or have to freak out every time the phone rings during a school day (video is at the end of this post.)

It’s Not My Story to Tell

This is something I don’t talk about much on my blog. Not because I’m embarrassed, but because I’ve always felt this wasn’t my story to tell. I do have two kids who have would be considered “special needs” kids for various reasons. I’m not going to get into the nitty-gritty details because I’ve always felt that this was my kid’s story and if they don’t want it shared, that is ok. What I am going to share is a bit of my story.

As I watched the episode, I realized that recently I have been so hard on one of my kids because I am tired. I am tired of having to try to stay calm when all hell breaks loose. I’m tired of trying to keep the peace. I’m tired of having to sit down to get homework done every night. I’m tired of arguing. I’m tired of being afraid. I’m just plain tired. And because I feel that way, I feel guilty. It just sucks.

My 4 kids! So proud!

Parenting Special Needs Kids

That is what being the parent of special needs kids is like. You feel guilty because you can’t be on top of everything 100% of the time. You feel guilty because they got in trouble at school because you let your guard down. You feel guilty because they are falling behind because you don’t want to put your kid on medication. You feel guilty because you put your kid on medication and you swore you never would. You feel guilty because you have other kids who get the short end of the stick because all your energy goes into your special needs kids. And you even feel guilty because maybe it is your fault.

Then someone says, “I don’t know how you do it,” and I just want to scream. I DON’T!!!!

Don’t get me wrong! I love my kids more than anything. As I see my kids grow, it does get easier. I see the fruits of our labor and realize that all of it is definitely worth it. But that doesn’t help those moment where I just want to hide away.

Teachers Make A Difference

I’ve always felt particularly guilty because I don’t spend a lot of time in my special needs kids classrooms. I do communicate with the teacher and I very actively participate in setting up the IEP each year. But I don’t go into the classroom often and I felt guilty. I realized today the reason I don’t. I would spend the entire time explaining why my kid is doing what he is doing and then I would be angry with them and I would probably yell at them when they got home. Yes, I know that’s horrible. But it’s so hard not to do that.

By me letting my kids learn by trial and error and not having me in the middle, I feel like I am empowering them. I am trusting that without me there, they are going to be ok. I’m trusting that the teacher and school is going to do what they say they will and keep my child safe.

We have been so fortunate that we have schools and teachers who have taken very good care of my kids (all 4 of them.) I know that my kids would not be where they are if it weren’t for those teachers. So, if anyone ever says that the teachers don’t make a difference can come see my kids. Teachers CAN make a BIG difference.

This post ended up in a totally different place than I thought it would. I just felt this great urge to write about parenting special needs kids today.

Parenthood is Real

This episode of Parenthood also reminded me exactly why I love this show so much. It is real. I love the way they are dealing with being a parent of special needs kids. Almost every episode brings me to tears because I can relate to it in some way.

My kids do read my blog and kids, I want you to know that I wouldn’t trade you for anything. I love you just the way you are. Just like school is sometimes really hard…well so is parenting. But as my mom always says, “this too shall pass.”

Your thoughts about parenting special needs kids or just parenting?

Parents of Special Needs Kids, It's Not My Story to Tell originally posted at Scraps of My Geek Life.

A Day Made Better 2010 – Nominate a Teacher to Win $100 From OfficeMax

Michele — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 21:21:38 +0000

Last year I participated in OfficeMax‘s “A Day Made Better” campaign. It was a privilege to help spread the word for such an important cause.

Many of the teachers who have taught my kids are also my neighbors and friends. I see how dedicated teachers are to inspiring our kids. So much of the resources a teacher uses to teach his/her class are purchased with their own money. Can you imagine working at McDonald’s and they ask you to buy your own spatula and cheese? I know what I’d tell them if they asked me that!

That is why, once again, I am joining the Max Moms for teachers program to help create awareness and give back to teachers. The Max Moms are working in collaboration with the national “A Day Made Better” cause founded by OfficeMax and nonprofit Adopt-A-Classroom to help erase teacher-funded classrooms. Annually in October, they host a national event that recognizes and rewards over 1000 teachers with a total of $1 million in school supplies to help alleviate the financial burden and thank them for their hard work.

Nominate A Teacher

There are deserving teachers everywhere and you are going to help me find them by nominating your favorite teacher to receive a $100 gift card for school supplies donated by OfficeMax. I will take nominations until Monday, October 11 at 11:00 am ET. A winner will be picked randomly and you will have 24 hours after you are notified to contact me or I will pick another winner.

Entry Requirements

1) For a chance to enter and win, please post a comment below that describe why the teacher you’d like to nominate is 1) Passionate; 2) Dedicated and 3) Innovative.

2) As an additional entry, you can visit the Welcome tab on OfficeMax’s Facebook page and post a comment here telling us what you think of their Facebook donation campaign benefiting Adopt-A-Classroom.

Other Max Moms blogs where you can nominate your teacher:

**Please help spread the word by sharing this post with others.**

Terms & Disclosure: No purchase necessary to be eligible for a chance to enter or win. The winner will be selected randomly through http://random.org. The gift card was provided by OfficeMax as part of its cause for teachers. The views written here are my opinion. I received no money for this post. I did receive a t-shirt, pens and 3 rubber band balls to help spread the word.