Throughout our lives we are faced with many forks in the road. With each fork, we make the best decision with the facts that we have at the time. We are not always going to make the right decision, but it is important that we own each decision and learn from it. I can not change the past, but I can change the way I view the past and how much I let it affect my life going forward.
Life Throws Us Curve
When life throws us curves that we can not control, it can be much harder to look at these events in a positive light and not blame the world. For the past 10 years, I have had numerous unexplained health issues. None of them were life threatening, but all of them were life changing.
It has been 10 years of pain, emergency room visits, medication, medical tests, surgeries, procedures and many doctors. With each new doctor and procedure I hoped for answers. The doctors always said they had good news because they found nothing wrong. That was bad news to me. I prayed for the tests to come back positive. I wanted answers and all I had were more questions.
Why Me?
Staying positive has been a struggle. I often wondered, “Why me?” Then I would feel guilty for those feelings because there were others who had health conditions much worse than mine. With each flare-up of pain, it took me longer to get out of the funk. I saw how it was affecting my family. My husband was on edge and my kids tip-toed around me. I wasn’t happy with the woman this pain had turned me into.
This past year has been more hopeful. I was beginning to get answers and with those answers has come solutions. I was faced with another fork this past week and I needed to make a decision. Do I risk a procedure which has a 50/50 chance of taking my pain away, but also has a 90% chance of a more immediate serious illness. This is one of those times where I wish I had a crystal ball to see the future. But I don’t, so I need to make this decision based on the information that I have today.
Hope and Possibility
As I laid in bed this past week weighing all my options, I noticed a change in my thinking. For the first time in a long time, I was thinking of the new year in a positive light. I wasn’t dwelling on the pain, but instead picturing a year without pain. A year with so many possibilities. I knew right then, there was only one decision. This procedure will give me something very important, hope and possibility.
2011 will be the year where I stop letting the pain control me. I am going to take back control of my health. Being healthy means eating foods that my body needs. Being healthy means spending more time moving my body. Being healthy means focusing on all the positives in my life. Being healthy means making time to enjoy my life. Being healthy means having hope and seeing the possibility.
I have taken two important steps to show my commitment to living a healthier life.
- I signed up for the Zooma Annapolis Half Marathon on June 5, 2011 and planned a 4 month training program.
- I created a Vision Board as a constant reminder of my goals for 2011.
As 2010 draws to a close, I will not look back on these last 10 years as a negative time in my life. I may have let the pain get the best of me, but those rough years have made me stronger. If we never have the hard times, we wouldn’t appreciate the good times. From now on, I am choosing to see all the possibilities before me. I OWN my life and I’m choosing to be positive.
Tell me about a time in your life where you had to dig deep to find hope and possibility!
Disclosure: I wrote this blog post while participating in the TwitterMoms and OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network blogging program, for a $50 gift card. For more information on how you can participate, click here.
Amy Phillips
December 17, 2010
Oh, I love that board. I have to do that. I hope things get better, and, never hesitate to let me know if there is something you need.
Look forward to working with you and getting to you know you better in 2011!
Michelle the puppy t
December 17, 2010
Thanks so much for Blogging about a Vision Board! It looks Great! I am going to do this next week for my Goals next year. Thanks for Pic of your visual Board! Great inspiration
Marly
December 17, 2010
For me, the problem is not pain, but fatigue; I need to sleep twelve to fifteen hours per day, and even when I 'm awake, the brain fog won't let me think the way I need to in order to accomplish my goals effectively. I've been fighting this thing for seven years, and like you, going to doctor after doctor. I've tried anti-depressants to get more serotonin into my brain. It doesn't work at small doses and makes me barfy and dizzy at bigger doses, and still doesn't work. The only thing that lets me think long enough to get things done is a lot of carbs, which is why I'm now over two hundred pounds. Exerciser exhausts me, but I"m more and more convinced that the lack of exercise also exhausts me!
There is a line in the movie "Cinderella Man" that I have taken as my motto. Jim Braddock, played by Russel Crowe, is a boxer who is well on his way to becoming the middle weight champion, when the Depression hits in the 1930's. It wipes him out financially and emotionally, and he starts losing fight after fight. They finally remove his boxing license, and he's forced to support his wife Mae, played by Renee Zellweger, and their three young kids with any back breaking and dangerous work he can find. When even that isn't enough, he applies for welfare,(the one thing he never wanted to do) has to beg his ex cronies for money so he can get the heat turned back on, so they can keep the kids, and still ends up feeding the kids in a soup line.
His old manager, Joe Gould, played expertly by Paul Giamatti, gets Jim a fight with a guy nobody else wants to take on. The guy is much taller and beefier than Jim, much younger than Jim, and hasn't been living on half rations for the last year. But he's also, in Joe's words, "Kind of stupid," and Jim is a very smart man. He can't beat the guy on strength, so he has to outsmart him. Joe tells Jim, "You're smarter than this guy. You gotta beat this son of a bitch; you gotta beat this son of a bitch from the inside out."
And that's what I'm aiming to do with this fatigue thing. I can't beat it by will power; I have to out smart it. Like you, I have to feed it good food and give it daily exercise, whether I feel like it or not. It's entirely possible I'm not getting enough serotonin in my brain because I'm not getting enough exercise, or enough sun and fresh air. I'd like to see how you are doing with your battle; I'll also occasionally be blogging about mine.
From the inside out.
Michele
December 17, 2010
I never saw that movie, but I might have to pick it up now. It's so tough when our bodies seem to be winning this battle and we feel helpless. You end up on an endless cycle like you mentioned. Your eat bad because you feel depressed and down which then makes you feel even more depressed and down. That Nike saying is so simple, but yet holds so much weight, "Just do it." is sometimes the best advice and the hardest to do.
I hope knowing that others are going through the same battles will help others. Misery definitely loves company and I also think that knowing we are not alone is helpful in bringing us out of it.
I'll follow your journey too. We can beat this!!
Marly
December 22, 2010
Scraps: This is Marly, the lady who wrote to you about the Cinderella Man movie. Your email in unrepliable, and I would like to answer you, so could you send me an answerable email address whenever it's convenient for you; I know it's three days before the Christmas thing, and you probably have family plans, so don't worry about it until it's over.
Marly
Marly
December 23, 2010
Michelle: Sorry, your letter went into my spam file and it disappeared when I went to transfer it. Would you please send it to me again? Thanks,
Marly
register llc
January 5, 2011
I just added your blog site to my blogroll, I pray you would give some thought to doing the same.