Mommy Guilt and Tantrums, I Have the Answer!

Look at this face! Just look at how sweet it is. How can that sweet face turn me into a screaming lunatic from H-E-double hockey sticks?

I think of myself as a sane person. I held down several management jobs and never once did I scream nonsense at those I worked with. I can bake 12 dozen cookies for a bake sale, coordinate a whole team of boys as Team Mom, conduct meetings all at the same time, but one little 6 year old boy is able to turn me into someone/thing I don’t recognize. I’m not sure when it happened. It must have been somewhere between No More Naps Avenue and I Can Do It Myself Street that we came to the place where we are now.

I have bought every Mom/Parenting book about dealing with “difficult” children. They all remind us that children learn by watching their parents. So we must stay calm if we want our kids to stay calm. Hello? Have you ever tried to talk nice nice to a 6 yr old laying on the floor kicking your chair and screaming over and over and over “I WANT TO TALK TO DADDY NOW! I WANT A DOUGHNUT! CALL DADDY NOW” Ah, honey! The book says I need to stay calm. So, let’s discuss this. Why do you want to talk to Daddy? Yeah Right! And for the record, my kids have never seen me lay on the floor kicking and screaming so they certainly did NOT learn that from ME!

So, we go through this little routine every time. He asks a question, I say No. He starts being nasty, I calmly tell him we don’t talk that way in this house. He gets louder. I try to stay calm and remind him to use his inside voice. He screams louder. I talk sternly. He screams even louder and he throws himself to the floor. I try to ignore. He gets louder and starts kicking my chair. I refuse to listen/acknowledge. He kicks more and screams non-stop. I scream “@#$@#LKJ O)*#*(&A O@#O*$&#*” Yes, it’s a bunch of garbly gook coming out of my mouth. Half complete sentences because I can’t think anymore and I’m at my wit’s end. I lose it completely and then he looks at me and puts his hands to his eyes and cries. Then…the Mommy Guilt kicks in. I remember all the books that said I must stay calm. It is my problem, not his (just what I need..more guilt.)

Each time it happens (which on a good day is only once/day and on a bad day…is just one long big tantrum…mine), I swear it will be the last. I’m really good at lecturing my husband about it too. I can remind him all the time that if he doesn’t change HIS behavior, the kids will never change theirs. Why is it so easy to give advice and sound so intellectual and like you know it all, but so hard to do? I wonder if all those authors who write those books follow all of their own advice? Do they stay calm every time their 6 yr old throws a fit? And if they do, HOW? Why is it that my children have a volume or pitch or whatever it is that just gets under my skin?

I also have a 10 yr old who, during her tantrum, reminds me that NO ONE else’s Mom yells at them like I do. I am the meanest Mom EVER. Oh PULLEASE…I can’t be the meanest mom EVER! There must be a meaner Mom somewhere out there? I can only hope!

After 13 years of being a Mom and reading every parenting book about dealing with tantrums, I have finally figured out the answer and I’m going to share it with you all today….

Stop reading the parenting books!