I’ve been feeling really guilty this weekend on so many levels. My 10 yr old daughter takes dance that starts in September and goes through June. It ends with a big dance recital. She also takes acting through the dance studio and that also ends in June with a play. She takes hip hop and pom and the acting. That means she is in 3 shows in 2 days. Each show is about 1.5 – 2 hrs long and it is located about 40 miles from my house out in the middle of nowhere. She also has to be at each performance about 1 hour prior to the start of the show and stay until the end of the show.
My husband happens to be out of the town the same weekend as the dance recital which means I have to attend all the shows with 2 little kids (5 & 6 yrs old) because I can not leave them with my 12.5 yr old son yet. (My 6 yr old has epilepsy and my older son doesn’t feel comfortable watching him for extended periods of time and I can appreciate that.) Each dance show costs $10/person and the play is $5/person which equals to about $80 in show tickets to see my daughter dance for a few minutes.
Now I am not saying I do NOT want to see her dance because I DO. The dilemma comes in with the 2 little ones. I’ll never be able to see her dance because I’ll spend half the time outside in the lobby with my little kids because they are not good at things like this. I’ve been there and done that before, but always with my hubby around so he’s video taping her while I’m entertaining the little ones. And on Sunday, she has drama dress rehearsal from 9am to Noon, dance performance from 1pm – 4pm and drama performance from 5pm – 7:30ish. That’s a lot of time to ask someone to watch my kids or to pay a babysitter.
My decision was to watch her dress rehearsal of the 2 dances and video tape them and then I did buy tickets for all 4 of us to see the play because it is many little plays put together and a little more fast paced and she is in many of the skits and should be easier for the little kids to watch. Last night we go to the dress rehearsal (took us 90 min in rush hour traffic) and she has a fever of 103, so we go home. Now I can’t see her dance in the dress rehearsal AND all the tickets are sold out for all the shows so now I feel like the biggest schmuck because I won’t see her dance at all.
I know that I’ve just dropped down a few notches in the good mommy book. I have been agonizing over this decision for weeks. When my husband went to buy the tickets for me, the response he got was, “you’re not going to see your daughter in all her dances?” So, now the dance studio also thinks I’m a bad mommy. I have discussed it all with my daughter and she does understand and she even suggested that we talk to the owner of the studio to see if we can get copies of the video, but that doesn’t erase all the mommy guilt I have right now.
Do you have any mommy guilt stories to share with me?
Kelly
June 13, 2009
Aw, Michle. I deal with this alot too. My DH left at the end of May and missed all the boys end of year activities. The middle one had kindergarten graduation. My oldest got an award & had a special singing thing another day. My youngest does NOT sit still well. He's so used to just being on the go. So, I went to the awards thing for my oldest & the graduation. It's all I could manage. This fall they are both in soccer, this ought to be fun.
Don't beat yourself up over it, hopefully she understands. Maybe you can ask another parent to video tape it for you? Or the instructor?
Michele
June 14, 2009
Thanks Kelly! It really is tough when you have little ones. We have that Kindy graduation next week too. This end of the year stuff sure is time consuming, isn't it?
Audrey
June 14, 2009
It's a struggle. Everyone expects us to be super-moms. I think it makes it worse when you get other moms on your case for not being able to be in multiple places at the same time or with multiple children at the same time. You have to do what's best for you and your family. It sounds like your daughter understands. If she's ok with it then *try* to be ok with it too. Don't beat yourself up over a situation that is really out of your control, know what I mean? And maybe Dad could keep the little ones and you could do something special with just your daughter at another time? Just a thought. Best of luck. ((HUGS))
Michele
June 15, 2009
That's a fantastic idea, Audrey. I bet a little shopping for earrings and a lunch trip with Mom would be great for my daughter.
Thanks!!!
Miechelle Hart
June 29, 2009
I have so many mommy guilt stories it would make your head spin and so does my mother have about me. We all do because we all love to do the guilt trip. However, if you think about it, it's an utter waste of energy. If you can always genuinely say that you did the best you did with the knowledge you had at the time, and I reckon most of us are in that category, there is nothing to be guilty about. It sounds like you have your hands incredibly full to me and that you are doing a remarkable job regardless.